Permission to Grieve

More and more mornings we start the day looking at memorials for friends who recently passed. I have an uncommon reluctance to share myself in the flow of fond memories and polite heartfelt sympathies. Something in me is already done, nothing more to say, still unwilling to concede a moment of the precious present or future to the longing for more time, or the sadness that one of our own has left our world for good.

Instead, as circles of friends gather around death beds or on Zoom for final farewells, I look to my inner mirror for signs of the immortal soul, the many lives in the fabric of time, and the opportunities for piercing the veils of consciousness which isolate us in this singular world. My overly active right brain looks for logic and clues to deduce how the wise masters of the past may have transformed the dross of their slower-than-light-bodies into the expanded starlight of their original rainbow spectrum.

I seek the comfort and friendship of liminal luminaries in a deep meditation. I am open to the insights my soul guides can offer and the journey my reflections on past and present can illuminate for the future. I commend my spirit and our passing friendships to eternity with an imaginary farewell kiss, and linger just a little longer on an akashic datapoint of shared memory and loving mystery. Allan Watts did say after all that our soul is the energy that lives on in consciousness where the impact remains after our selves are otherwise gone. I hope this unshared prayer of personal introspection does enough to feed each of my ephemeral kin with a satisfying spec of the sacred honoring of source with is due. Tears surprise me suddenly without words, and I am humbly overwhelmed, drifting wildly through the vastness and range of my emotions, each adding color to the remaining froth of divine creation washing up on the shores of our collective, unbounded, freedom. From a place beyond time/space, something freezes forever just over the event horizon. Shakti’s ocean of infinite possibilities leaves a ring of foam to mark a cycle of completion. Unique in all existence at this one nexus, Shiva dances on a spiral vortex of original music drifting away toward the looming silence, just visible in the distance after the deafening noise ends. The smooth surface of the infinite Now bubble, as always, looks on, reflecting back, expanding outward, faster than ever, so much more to discover.

June 15th FB Post

I have been saying goodbye a lot lately. To my many dear ones, I offer you this beautiful Sutra, translated in The Radiance Sutras by Lorin Roche.

सर्व स्रोतो नि बन्दजेन
प्राण सक्त्य ओर्ध्वाया सनैः
पिपिला स्पर्ष वेलायं प्रथते परमं सुखम्

Rivers of power flowing everywhere.
Fields of magnetism relating everything.
This is your origin. This is your lineage.
The current of creation is right here, right now,
Coursing through subtle channels,
Animating this very form.
Follow the gentle touch of life
Soft as the footprint of an ant
As tiny sensations open to vastness.
Power sings as it flows,
Electrifies the organs of sensing,
Becomes liquid light,
Nourishes your entire being.
Celebrate the boundary
Where streams join the sea
Where body meets infinity.

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